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 Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:53 pm
One week after my first shot, I'm still tired all the time, but it's manageable. Two new zits, which is about average. I am craving fresh fruit and protein. Also that forbidden treat pizza. I can't bring myself to give up cheese and ice cream entirely, so I'm rationing.
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:23 am
My scent is definitely shifting incrementally. I've already had to start weeding my BPAL's as some things that only just worked on me simply don't any more.
There has been some non-HRT mental shifting not related to the hormones, but in response to the irrevocable nature of the choice to start HRT. My brain has quietly decided that certain things simply aren't relevant anymore, even though there hasn't been any noticeable physical change yet. I have also noticed I'm looking in mirrors. All my life I have avoided mirrors unless I had a specific need for one. I never liked looking at my whole face, my whole body at once: it was too jarring. It was never my face, my body. This week i have caught myself staring into the mirror, trying to memorize it, tracing the hints of what I once looked like under the ruin, a strange archeology. I really only know my face from the remove of photographs and there have been very few since I came North, so I am trying to memorize it so I'll have something to compare with later.
I'm still tired all the time.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:44 am
My hair is greasy. I wash it and it starts looking dirty almost as soon as it dries. I am now getting why short hair cuts appeal to some guys. I really need to cut mine again to my usual bad Spiderman/Connor Oberst cut if only to cut down on the ick. I was going to say no increase in zits, but I've gotten several new clusters in the last 48 hours. Ah, adolescence.
The real irritant though is the mood swings. I hate being emotional and this is really a pain in the a**. All the years of self imposed anger work is helping though. Still, it takes me much longer to cool down than usual. I remember this; I can handle it; its just annoying.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:52 pm
HRT: Week 5
I'm losing the top notes of my singing range, but no other noticeable vocal change. The hairs in the back of my arms are darker. i now need 12-14 hours of sleep a night. it's quite inconvenient.
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:48 pm
Week 7: My singing voice is gone. Oh, my voice hasn't dropped properly yet, but I reach for notes and the sound that comes out has little correlation to what I expect. Basically, I can't carry a tune in a bucket right now. My guess is the small changes in my vocal cords are just enough to through everything off without being obvious. My whole upper range is crackly now. When I try to sing high, I'm still sounding quite womanly, though in an alto sort of way. I don't think anything is noticeable if I don't sing. When I do sing, I just sound like a tone deaf woman.
I found another long, funky under chin hair. I'm tempted to cut it off, but my mother's coming to visit and it might interest her.
Week 8: My fat is redistributing to the point where my clothes hang differently. My mother agrees that my voice is deeper.
Week 9: As of yesterday, I can sing tenor, though the resonance isn't quite right. I can carry a tune again as long as I'm singing along with another tenor.
Week 10: The acne is insane. It's everywhere and unstoppable. I'm going to need new jockeys as apparently I now where a different size. I'm getting more upper body strength, I think.
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:58 pm
HRT: Week 11
The proto-mustache is darkening and is growing more visible. I am not looking forward to shaving when the necessity comes. There are dark hairs among the blonde on my arms and there is hair spreading up from the greaves on my shins.
The shape of my body continues to shift with the fat redistribution. I can see the shape of my future face in the face I have now.
I am working on my voice, which is neither this nor that. i can not seem to get the resonance right.
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:15 pm
This acne thing is getting old and boring.
I tried to call the cats the other night and my voice wouldn't pick an octave.
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Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 8:40 pm
Right now it's all hair and acne. The greaves on my legs now reach up to my knee, though there are places on my shins that are bald or patchy. There is a slight darkening of hair above the knee.
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:01 am
HRT: Week 14
I killed another album on my hard drive so I can play music again, and have been working on my voice. there is no point in trying to really sing as I'm going through anther random octave patch. I have cleverly chosen Bright Eyes to "sing" along to. I figure Connor can't sing either and I know most of the words on the good albums and I can manage the talk/singing in rhythm to work on my resonance, which still sucks. Most of it's in my range, though when he actually sings I am reminded forcefully how screwed up my voice is. I am so used to relying on it. It is part of the secret of my charisma. It is unnerving to have no idea what I will sound like when I open my mouth, when my voice is my favorite tool. All those years of mesmerizing crowds and batches of feisty children. I'd hate to rely on it for read aloud or story telling now as I've had to considerably flatten my vocal effects so as to not crack. I suppose the less complicated delivery is a "passing tip," though as men's delivery is exactly that sort of flat, but more resonant. Really, what I want is a consistently androgynous voice. Oh, it's not the end of the world if I'm unlucky and get a really deep voice, it's not even in the ballpark with back hair honestly. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed on the very little chest hair and no back hair thing.
Speaking of hair, I've got sensitive skin, organic, no added scent gel on order, in the hopes of avoiding rashes. (I have to use baby detergent do to systemic rash response. I figure better safe than sorry.) I failed to buy the suggested Fusion II razors, as I was too damned busy today to get more than essentials. For those keeping score, my chin hair is still occasional random long blond hairs, but the proto-stache is continuing to get more noticeable.
So, I'm really noticing the higher T dose. I'm already getting the ninja sleep attack thing. It's likely just as well, as I've been getting the extreme insomnia thing again.
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Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:43 pm
HRT: Week 16
My hands look older and more weathered because dark hair is just starting to come in at the folicals. I am getting tufts of random hair on the back of the hand and fingers. My leg hair is spreading into areas that used to be bald. Thankfully, no chest or back hair yet. (Cross fingers). I'm still doing the random octave thing.
I mostly got "ladied" at the con, but did get "sir'd" once at the elevator.
The longer this goes on the more I want top surgery. I just can't relate to these monstrous flesh lumps at all and the sagginess makes them more intrusive.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:33 pm
HRT: Week 17
My broken voice is wildly frustrating. I don't know how Alec Adams stood it. I am so used to singing, and I periodically hurt myself, absentmindedly doing it. How much worse to be a professional singer?
At the con, I kept studying the facial hair. After all, SF conventions are a sort of nature preserve for strange hair patterns. Where else does one see mutton chops like that. I've budgeted for a good razor this month. The proto-stache must go. still, there is a weird temptation to try to grow a cheesy mustache just to see, assuming I get more than down.
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Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:49 am
HRT: Week 18
Last week's dose was a real bear. Mad protein cravings, to the point where I caught my body cruising for food without my brain.
Last night I saw my face in the mirror. I still do not see it as mine, really, but it was vaguely familiar. It dawned on me that this what my father would have looked like with my mother's hair. Unnerving, but less unnerving than the stranger I've been seeing there for 29 years.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 5:23 am
HRT: Week 19
I had to postpone my shot as I'm snowed in and my pharmacy doesn't carry the right sized needles so we can't do it here.
My arm hair is darker. I am frustrated with my broken voice. The other day, I felt something weird between my thighs and discovered tufts of hair growing where no hair has been before.
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Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 9:00 pm
I tried to shave my proto-sache around the 4 zits. I couldn't get the corners at all due to zits. I hate the texture, and could hardly bear it, but I didn't cut myself and the Nancy Boy* products and fusion razor are a workable combo. The Nancy Boy thing comes with softening oil and cream in a set though and that worked okay. Is my upper lip supposed to be numb?" I wonder if it was that preshave oil causing it. I am not planning to use after shave. It'd mess with my BPALs.
*Nancy Boy: Tested on boyfriends, not animals.
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Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:56 pm
HRT Week 20: I got my shot! I'm picking up numbering were I left off with the two week hiatus. I'm already getting the munchies.
Something I didn't mention was that just before the hiatus I'd noticed hair growing in a place it never occurred to me it would. Eeew. At least it's not back hair.
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