It felt silly to let herself get caught up in it, because it was fundamentally unreachable to her. Like, maybe she could ask some Order person to take her up there, and get to see whatever they had out there, and maybe that would be nice? But...it wasn't real. It didn't feel real to her, at least.
Maybe that was fundamentally silly. Obviously space was real. Obviously there were lots of stars out there. Presumably there was a moon or a planet or an asteroid Sappho, named for the gayest of ancient Geek lady poets, whose works only existed in fragments but who was inspiring lady loving ladies to this day, and Sailor Sappho had some kind of connection to that place. That was how Senshi worked, she had come to understand.
Once upon a time, Sailor Sappho had probably been pretty important to that place. She'd probably never know how important, unless she happened to run into one of those space aliens who had known her before--but that was sort of a distant thought. Like, what were the odds that some space alien dropped into her lap who wanted to talk all about what the old world of Sappho had been like, and why they were so associated with violets (Sappho had ideas, and frankly if there was something cosmic to the connection between violets and wlw, she was going to be absolutely delighted)?
Okay, like. That would be incredibly cool. She would love to have a hot alien drop in on her and give her a bunch of information about her past self and all that just to satisfy her curiosity and bury any curiosity she had left.
Maybe it would be disappointing, maybe she'd learn that ancient Sappho had been weird and corrupt or something, but she didn't think so. Not with her magic, not with her sphere, and like...it had to mean something, didn't it? That she was the Senshi of such soft flowers, associated with a legendary poet...
Like, she had to believe that whatever was out there was nice.
but that was all she had. Belief. Belief and hope that her pretty dreams of a nice place in the stars weren't just that: pretty dreams with no grounding in reality. She thought about it more than she liked to, if she was totally honest, but maybe that just made sense given her situation, being a Senshi and all.
She was supposed to be a magical warrior from outer space, and she was very definitely not that. Magical warrior, sure, but...truly, the concept of ******** around on some other planet had less than zero appeal to her. And next to the idea of building her own realm in Mirrorspace, it just felt...weird. Like, that was a whole nother world, far away from Earth and far away from everything that mattered.
That was the biggest problem, honestly. How was she supposed to give a single ******** about some random space rock when everything and everyone she cared about was right here on Earth? Her brother, his family, her niece and nephew--her parents, too, and now Olivia, and her job and her hobbies and her friends and the Internet--yeah, Sappho did not think the idea of giving up all hat to get obsessed with some place in space felt particularly fun or interesting.
And there was the fact that she'd surely always be chasing what used to be. Whatever was there, it was long gone. The people were dead, at least as far as she knew. Evey world started out empty and desolate and lonely. And the idea of having to try and restore it from nothing, chasing memories and fragments--Persephone had talked about ti some, and it just sounded...sad.
Sappho was not, on the whole, interested in chasing after ghosts. And that seemed like all going to space was. Chasing ghosts and hoping you could scrape together enough context to know what was going on with them.
Her Realm on the other hand--that felt so much more real. Sure, there were definitely people who would disagree, and it was technically all a construct of Mirrorspace, so "real" was debatable, but it was right there when she walked to it, as opposed to some planet out there in space that she'd have to magically travel to and magically travel back and there was nothing in between. She might as well have been knocking out for a nap and astral projecting into space, or having a very nice cream of another world, for all she knew.
Okay, it wasn't like she could judge that for sure, she'd never been, but that was how it felt to her. She'd just be wandering out there and hoping something cool turned up or she had a neat memory or whatever.
Crazy to get obsessed with that, she thought, when she could instead be working on building her Realm and getting more closely acquainted with Mirrorspace.
And Mirrorspace was so much more grounded. It was connected to Earth, you got there by stepping through a mirror, and you could access it from any mirror in Destiny City. That, as far as Sappho was concerned, made it way more immediate and present than some literal other planet. Like, it just made sense! Space was space, far away and pointless. Mirrorspace was right here, empowering her and every other Mirror Senshi.
As far as she was concerned, the choice was obvious.
She knew exactly why she was in her feelings this time, too. She'd been thinking about it ever since she ran into Murikabushi again, and a little bit before that, since her conversation with Ekstrom--thinking about alternatives and options was totally natural and normal, she was pretty sure, when someone you knew and liked changed so deeply and so fundamentally, and when a new acquaintance reminded you of a debate that you'd had in your own heart for a long, long time.
Not that it was really a debate, Sappho supposed. Yeah, okay, if she was one hundred percent honest, she was curious about space. she'd take that hot outer space lesbian dropping into her life and teaching her lots of cool facts about her old world, but honestly? Only if that hot space lesbian wanted to join the Dark Mirror--and, obviously, only if Olivia was also into her, because Sappho was so super into Olivia and also so super not into making the same set of mistakes all over again; that, she figured, was totally a given if she wanted to pretend she'd learned anything at all from her escapades. She was not going to break another nice girl's heart because she was too dumb and gay to not run her mouth and flirt stupidly.
But. Again. That mystery lesbian from outer space was a total ******** pipedream and Sappho was really just letting herself fantasize, thinking about it.
Every once in a while, the thought of leaving the Mirror had crossed her mind, obviously. That had been all tangled up in that whole mess, of course, but even after, she considered it, every once in a while. Wondered what it might be to be on the other side. And Murikabushi actually doing it, when she'd really liked him--and had, and still did, consider them friends--had put it back at the forefront of her mind.
Maybe she sohuld have asked him more questions, but she'd been pretty distracted with the whole "shitty little bully Negaverse Senshi with a starseed" part of the situation, which meant that she had let other details and new and exciting information slip her by. Surely she'd run into him again sometime, though; Sappho could obviously ask him then. Ask him what it was like. If it was better.
Maybe it was, for him. he'd said so, but he'd also been pretty clear about not judging her for feeling differently, so that was sort of a relief.
Because that was the real thing. Sure, Sappho thought about space sometimes. Thought about is as a microcosm for everything that might change if she left the Mirror. She could have a whole new life as a totally different person with no connection to her parents or her brother. She could see other worlds, meet brand new babes, so, so many things that might open up to her if she just...made that choice to leave. To chase what she supposed she was "supposed" to be, as Sailor Sappho, a Senshi with a responsibility to another world.
But she didn't want that.
The Mirror was home. Not even considering everything she'd be giving up leaving Blair behind, which absolutely did not match anything she could potentially gain as far as she was concerned, she liked being a Mirror Senshi. She liked Mirrorspace, liked her Realm, liked her family and her friends, and no matter what mysteries there were in the wider universe, Sappho wasn't really interested in pursuing them. Not when she'd lose everything she already had.
She imagined that might not make sense to some people; certainly there were those who looked at the Mirror with contempt, she'd run into plenty of them on both sides. People who judged what they did without understanding any of it. People who wanted them to just...what? Give up everything they were, everything they'd built, because of someone else's idea of morality?
Yeah, no, Sappho was totally not into that. Way too many people made it way bigger than it needed to be, and the more they did that, the less Sappho wanted to even consider validating that point of view. Energy draining was harmless, and Mirrorspace was a safe place. She could trust it to protect her; she'd seen it happen more than once. No matter how much she wandered, it never let her get lost. It always made sure that she found her way back to where she needed to be, in the end. If that wasn't worth trusting, what was?
Not even accounting for the sick mirror chain launcher it had deployed to fight the Calamitous Hollow, which had been stupid cool and which Sappho still thought of with more excitement than she maybe wanted to own up to. It had been, frankly, awesome, and the Dark Mirror had made sure the stupid ******** Hollow was pinned in place for everyone else to beat up on, so take that, everyone else in the stupid fight.
And, really, Sappho did have to consider what she'd be giving up as Blair. She had a niece and nephew--they certainly wouldn't be thrilled with Aunt Blair disappearing for complicated magical reasons that didn't even feel that complicated. She couldn't do that to them.
Her parents would obviously be inconsolable. And Alistair--abandoning her brother like that was simply an unacceptable possibility. He loved her; he wouldn't want her to go running off to the other side unless it was strictly necessary.
She knew he'd lost friends to this stupid war. Sappho hardly wanted to be something else the war took from him, especially now that he was so established and happy.
It was almost comical, really, that she was even thinking about this in depth. She knew the answer. Knew that she wasn't going anywhere. So why was she even bothering with the possibility of it? The Mirror had never given her anything but kindness and safety. She had a family there. and it was especially ridiculous now that there was another girl, cute as hell and Dark Mirror like her. She could hardly run off into the distance and just...abandon Belenos after things were so nice and fun between them.
After all, she had a horse to meet, and she certainly couldn't break that kind of promise.
So, all up--Sappho wasn't sure why she let her thoughts drift starward. The constellations were pretty to look at, but she couldn't see any value in getting out there. Not for her, at least. She was quite content to stay in Destiny City, and care about the home she had.
[wc: 2035 words]
