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 Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:15 pm
Backdated to Feb 18, 2026. The kitchen was too loud. Not because anyone else was in it, but the sound of dishes clinking together felt more agitating than usual. Like everything was built up with too much pressure, but unable to be released.
He scrubbed harder than he needed to. A plate knocked against the side of the sink. He winced and steadied it before it could chip.
It was stupid to be so worked up over a letter.
He'd gotten mail from DCU three days ago. It had his name on in that crisp, official font. Destiny City University. He hadn't opened it. He'd walked straight past Evan in the living room, said something vague about homework, and shoved the envelope under a stack of old hoodies in the back of his closet. Like if he couldn't see it, it didn't exist.
Because Elliot had gotten in. Of course he had. Enna, Dawn, Cassidy, Maisie — all yes. Atticus too, even if Atticus had looked… uncertain when he'd said it. Riker had told him he deserved it anyway. He meant it.
Now it was just him and Julian. Waiting.
The water was scalding over his hands, but he didn't bother adjusting it.
If Julian didn't get in—
His jaw tightened.
Julian would pretend he was fine. He'd smile that careful, small way he did when he was trying not to make anyone else uncomfortable. He'd say something about other options. About community college. About transferring later.
Riker could already see it. And if that happened, Riker wasn't opening his letter. Not that day. Maybe never. He'd already made up his mind.
College had never really been part of the plan anyway. Not when he'd been sixteen and bracing for the day his mother finally decided she was done with him. Not when he'd assumed he'd be scraping together rent and living out of whatever he could carry.
He had the food truck. He had Evan and Zac. He had something meaningful now.
He didn't need DCU.
But Julian—
The front door creaked. Riker's shoulders straightened automatically, like he'd been caught doing something wrong, even though he was just standing at the sink with soap up to his wrists.
"Hey," he called, keeping his voice level. Casual. He didn't turn around right away. He wasn't sure he was ready to read Julian's face yet.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:17 pm
"Hey," Julian answered, a little less level and a little less casual. It wasn't cold enough inside to justify the large sweater he was wearing, but the sleeves were gathered at his wrists and he was fidgeting with his fingers when he entered.
At first it seemed like he might just be there for a drink or something from the fridge, if only because he hovered behind Riker for a moment, but then he carefully joined him by the sink.
Usually when someone was radiating stress from across the room, Julian avoided the room. It was a little more difficult when that tension was coming from the person you were looking for--needed to speak to--but Julian had already debated on doing this now or later. It was hard enough to work himself up the first time; if he didn't do it now, he'd wind up spending another half-hour mentally prepping himself and practicing what to say.
...Except, standing next to Riker, he'd already forgotten what he'd come in here for.
The water was steaming, and Riker's hands were bright red.
Julian tugged at his sleeves, chewing on the inside of his lip. He looked at Riker's hands, his face, the faucet--
And then hesitantly reached over to turn the cool water on--just enough to reduce the blistering heat.
It was more forward than he usually was, but he was less confident in doing so. He wouldn't have intervened at all if Riker's hands didn't look like they hurt.
"Is this okay?" he asked, hand still hovering by the faucet.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:17 pm
Riker went rigid. Not dramatically, just that sharp, instinctive tension through his shoulders, like he'd been caught doing something wrong. His first thought wasn't Julian. It was just the sudden change. The loss of heat.
Then he realized whose hand was on the faucet.
He exhaled. It left him in a slow rush, his shoulders easing as the cool water mixed into the stream. The sting dulled from white hot to something more bearable. His hands throbbed, and only then did he fully register that they had been hurting at all.
He flexed his fingers under the water. The skin was red and tender.
"...Yeah," he said quietly. "It's fine." His voice had lost a bit of its earlier steadiness. It wasn't shaky, just softer. He hadn't even noticed how hard he'd been gripping the sponge.
It was stupid, he knew. The heat. Not adjusting it. But there was a part of him that still lived by old, self imposed rules. If something hurt on the outside, then it made everything easier to justify.
He wasn't allowed to be upset unless he was bleeding.
That wasn't who he was anymore. Or… it had been a long time since he'd hidden marks where no one would look. A long time since he'd needed proof of pain to let himself feel it.
But sometimes the instinct lingered in smaller ways. Like turning the water too hot. Ignoring the sting. Letting it burn because it felt like a fair exchange for the tightness in his chest.
He turned the faucet off completely and set the sponge down.
"I didn't notice," he admitted, drying his hands on a towel, keeping his expression controlled despite how sensitive his hands felt in the fabric. "Thanks."
He glanced sideways at Julian then, really looking at him. The oversized sweater, the sleeves pulled down, the way he was fidgeting like he was holding something in.
Riker's stomach tightened.
He dried his hands a little slower than necessary, buying himself a second longer. If Julian didn't get in, he needed to be steady. Not reactive. Not make it worse by looking disappointed for him.
"You okay?" he asked, softer now. It wasn't casual this time, just… careful. His shoulder brushed lightly against Julian's, deliberate and hopefully grounding. An unspoken reassurance.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:17 pm
"Yeah," Julian said too quickly, but he looked at Riker and smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but he wasn't unhappy. Nervous, maybe. Thinking too much, definitely.
When Riker's shoulder pressed into his own, Julian leaned into it. Riker was a bit taller than Julian so it meant that between them, Riker needed to lean down, and Julian needed to lean up, and they met somewhere in the middle.
The dishes were easier to look at, but Julian must have known that was probably suspicious, so he kept Riker's gaze. Riker would look for answers in his face, and Julian would do the same. Most of the time, the cost of knowing wasn't worth the exchange, but this was important.
"I was wondering..."
Julian trailed off. Didn't mean to, but he was already off-script and there was no way to get back on track. He could make small talk and try to circle back, or wait for a comfortable opening to try and segue into the conversation.
Riker was already onto him, of course. Riker was stressed about something already. Maybe the same thing he was.
His eyes fell to Riker's hands despite his best effort to hold eye contact.
"...What's on your mind? You seemed really focused on the dishes."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:17 pm
Riker didn't answer right away. He glanced at the sink like he was considering it seriously.
"...Yeah," he said after a moment. "They were winning."
It was dry. Not quite a joke, but close enough to offer Julian something lighter to hold. He leaned back against the counter instead of returning to the dishes. His hands were still pink. He rubbed his thumb absently across his palm, testing the lingering heat, then gently crossed his arms over his chest. Not defensive, just to rest.
"I get focused when I'm thinking," he added. That part was true. He glanced over at Julian's face again. Soft. Attentive. "And I think better when I'm doing something."
He tilted his head just slightly, studying him in the way he always did when he was trying to read between the lines that Julian didn't say out loud.
"But that's not why you came in here." It wasn't accusing, just quiet certainty. He shifted closer, not to crowd, just enough that their shoulders touched again — or as much of their shoulders as their height difference could manage. It was more his upper arm to Julian's shoulder. But it was the intention behind the quiet grounding gesture.
"If you want me to talk about what's on my mind," he said, voice low and steady, "I will."
There was a small pause to let the words settle. Nothing dramatic, just honest.
"But you don't have to change the subject because of me. I'm listening," he said, softer now. "What's up?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:18 pm
Julian leaned against the counter, mimicking Riker's crossed arms. It might not have been intentional; sometimes it was just second nature. Riker hadn't said anything he didn't already know.
And Julian hadn't picked a subject yet, so there wasn't anything to change.
"Well, I came in here because I was thinking about you." And how Riker had seemed a little distracted, and a little tense, and a little bit like he was bracing for something, or waiting for the floor to drop out from underneath him. And he'd been like that for a few days already, and it was getting worse.
The cause could have been any number of things; Riker could get into his head easily, and he tended to feel very deeply. None of their other friends had seemed particularly distraught so Julian hadn't considered a fight or a falling out.
But he didn't know exactly what this was, and Riker hadn't volunteered information. It was like he was working extra hard to radiate comfort and support, and Julian couldn't figure out why.
"Do you want to talk about what's on your mind? My thing can wait," he assured. His thing wasn't bothering him so much that he was boiling his hands or scraping his skin raw.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:18 pm
Riker's jaw shifted slightly when Julian said he'd come in because he'd been thinking about him. He didn't look away, but something in his shoulders seemed to ease just a little.
"...Yeah?" he said quietly. He wasn't used to being the thing someone walked into a room for. Although maybe that wasn't fair of him to think anymore, because there were people in his life who very much cared about him, and it showed. It was just a lot longer time between that level of care and… well, none at all.
When Julian offered again — my thing can wait — Riker looked at him more carefully this time because… there it was. Not a lie, just a postponement.
He could press…
He didn't.
"Okay," he said instead, softer. Not accepting the trade, just acknowledging it.
He let out a breath and tipped his head back against the cabinet behind him, staring at the ceiling as he tried to organize his thoughts.
"It's not a big deal," he started with a shrug. It wasn't! Or at least that's what he'd decided. "I was just, you know, thinking about next year."
He was careful about the wording. Made sure it was neutral. He glanced back down, not quite to Julian's eyes yet. Somewhere near his collarbone instead.
"I might ask Evan if he needs me more full time on the truck. After we graduate." Another small shrug, because it was practical. "Or see if there's something else I can pick up on the side. Just… making sure I'm pulling my weight."
He rubbed his thumb against the inside of his wrist absently. He could feel his ears turning red, but he couldn't exactly reach up to cover them without it being obvious.
"I don't really mind working," he added. "I'm good at it. It makes sense."
No mention of applications, no mention of envelopes in closets, no mention of DCU. He just kept things moving forward.
"If stuff changes," he continued, his tone steady but deliberately light, "I don't want to be rushing to find something. Figured I'd get something worked out early."
He finally looked at Julian then. It wasn't defensive or resigned, just… prepared.
"So that's all," he said quietly. Then gently, after a moment, "What's your thing?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:18 pm
Julian had nodded along while Riker spoke, listening intently and hanging off of his words like he wasn’t sure when Riker would lose his voice. He was saying enough—not everything, but Julian noted what he said and what he didn’t.
He looked up at Riker—because that’s what he had to do now. When they first met, the difference wasn’t so drastic—maybe a few inches. Julian couldn’t remember precisely but there was something in the fog of his memories.
It was easier to stay in the present, where he could see pink flooding Riker’s ears, where he could watch Riker thumb his wrist to keep grounded while his eyes sought somewhere other than Julian’s.
The corners of Julian’s lips tipped downward, not enough to be a frown. His brows inched together briefly while he stitched his thoughts together.
He leaned into Riker’s arm, still looking up at him.
Riker had a future. They’d talked about it. He’d been excited for it. So why was he so guarded right now—making what sounded like backup plans?
Unless—
Faint alarm flickered on Julian’s expression but he managed to bundle everything up into something significantly more pleasant and equally lacking in demand.
“Riker…are you worried you won’t get into DCU?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:18 pm
There it was.
Riker felt his chest tighten before he could even process the words. Not because Julian had said anything wrong, just that he'd said it so plainly. Out loud. Pulling the thing Riker had been carefully stepping around right into the middle of the kitchen.
He didn't flinch, but his jaw tightened for half a second before he let it ease again. Julian's expression was what caught him, though. That flicker. That brief, bundled up alarm. And that, more than the question, was what made Riker shift.
He huffed out a small breath, almost amused. Not at Julian — at himself.
"Jules," he said quietly. Not dismissively or defensively, just steady.
"I'm not—" He paused and reshuffled his words. "It's not like that."
He let his arms uncross, because suddenly he felt too closed off. One hand came up, hovering for a second before settling lightly at Julian's waist, letting the closeness keep him grounded.
"I mean, sure. Maybe. I don't know." A small shrug. "I haven't opened mine yet."
There. It slipped out easier than he expected. His ears burned a little brighter.
"But it's not…" He searched for the right way to say it. A way that wouldn't make Julian feel like he was bracing for disaster. "I just don't want to build everything around one envelope," he explained as his thumb traced against the fabric of Julian's sweater.
"If I get in, cool. If I don't, I've got other options." He lifted one shoulder again. "That's all."
He finally looked at Julian, holding his gaze fully. "I'm not spiraling," he added, softer. "I promise." And then, because he knew Julian, "And I'm definitely not preemptively dropping out of society. But I'm more worried about you than me."
The admission came quietly. Not heavy, but true. "You've been waiting on yours."
He didn't say and I don't want you hurt. He knew he didn't have to. His hand squeezed gently at Julian's side.
"So," he said, voice gentler now, "is that what you came in here about?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:18 pm
Julian was difficult to read, for a long moment.
Torn between sympathy and worry, there was something else behind his eyes. He forced a smile but didn’t put in the effort to make it convincing; it looked like a placeholder while he figured out what he was supposed to look like.
He didn’t move, not to shy away from Riker’s hand on his waist, and not to uncross his arms from his chest. He just looked up at Riker and tried to understand what he was saying.
What he was really saying.
“Sort of,” he answered slowly, wishing he could remember the script he’d rehearsed before showing up.
“Mine came in the mail today.” If the website wasn’t crashing for maintenance they could have checked online, so that had done nothing but add to this uncertainty.
Julian no longer met Riker’s eyes, like the admission that his letter had arrived today was an awful thing. For right now, while the letter was sealed, he was neither accepted nor rejected. As soon as the letter opened, it was one or the other–and Julian expected the worst, always. At least for right now, he could still think he had a chance.
“I haven’t opened it either. But you–” he looked up, livened with a bit more energy “you should have opened yours. You didn’t have to wait.”
The frown was back, not in frustration, but in confusion–and maybe a bit of concern, himself. “...Why were you worried about me?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:19 pm
Riker went still. Not frozen, just very, very deliberate.
Mine came in the mail today.
For a second, everything in him focused in on that sentence. The kitchen, the sink, the hum of the fridge — it was all background. He felt the weight of the unopened envelope in his closet like it had been moved into his chest.
Julian hadn't opened his. Of course he hadn't.
Riker's thumb stilled against Julian's sweater. When Julian asked why he was worried about him, Riker almost deflected. Almost said something light and easy.
He didn't. Instead, he let out a slow breath.
"I didn't have to wait," he echoed quietly. It wasn't defensive or regretful, just… was.
His hands shifted slightly at Julian's waist, as though making sure they were still in the same place, both grounded to that moment.
"I wasn't worried about you like you can't handle it," he said after a moment. He was careful with his words. He didn't want Julian to misunderstand him. "I know you can." But he wished he didn't have to. And it wasn't as though he didn't think Juilan had what it took to get in, but given their luck… it was better to be cautious.
"I just—... you've had a lot thrown at you this year." And that was true. Technically the year had just begun, but he meant the cycle of twelve months leading up to that moment. "And DCU isn't just a school. It's…"
Familiar? In that it would be where everyone else would be?
"I didn't want you to feel like you were stuck behind while everyone else moved forward." That was the closest he could get to the real thing without laying everything out raw and unguarded.
Because the real thing was simpler and more stubborn than that.
If Julian didn't get in, Riker wasn't going without him.
He shrugged one shoulder lightly, as though trying to take the weight away from the conversation.
"And if you didn't get in," he added, quieter, "I wasn't going to celebrate mine in your face. Or make you feel bad if I didn't get in."
A faint, crooked smile pulled at his lips. "Seemed like common sense."
It wasn't, really. It was loyalty. Stubbornness. Refusal. It was not leaving someone behind. But Riker didn't know how to form his thoughts into words without making things overwhelming.
"So," he said gently, returning his full attention to Julian. "We're tied then. Neither of us has opened anything. We could keep pretending they don't exist," he suggested, his brow lifting just faintly. "Or we could not…"
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:19 pm
Julian looked at him for a moment, and it felt both longer and shorter than it really was. Time had a way of not working right when it came to anything important.
A weight settled over his shoulders, heavy like a blanket, but Julian didn’t know how to grab it. To pull it close for comfort or to shrug it off and free himself. Like most things in his life, it was just something he couldn’t control so he had to get used to, instead.
“Oh, Riker,” he finally breathed, shoulders slumping even as he leaned against him. He looked at him, exasperated without being reproachful, with eyes full of worry and–
It wasn’t appreciation, not really, but there was a certain reverent gratitude, too. Not because of what he’d done, but because of who he was.
“There’s no way you didn’t get in, you worked so hard,” he reassured. “You should have opened it as soon as you got it, we could have been celebrating. You deserve that.” Even now, the idea that Riker didn’t get in was so far-fetched that Julian couldn’t really even humor it. He had more A’s than B’s on his report cards, and nothing lower than that. And he studied hard for his exams, and he had extra-curriculars. On paper and in person, Riker was a great candidate.
“Whether or not I get in, I’d be happy for you,” Julian insisted. They’d been through this already, to a lesser degree. Julian was more of a ‘second time’s the charm’ type of person, anyway. He had to get used to failure before he could taste success. When he and Riker had taken their permit tests, Riker passed. Julian failed. He got it right the second time. It was the same thing with their driving tests, too.
Maybe this was a little bigger than tests, though. This was their future. It was so much bigger. Which was why Julian was worried that Riker wouldn’t have checked yet.
Because, he knew what that meant. He was waiting to find out what Julian’s letter said, and then he was going to base his future on whether or not Julian could get into college.
Because Riker wouldn’t move forward if Julian was stuck behind.
Julian leaned into him insistently, looking up at him. “Don’t limit yourself based on what I can or can’t do. It’s not like you guys would stop talking to me if we didn’t get in together.” He hoped.
No–he knew. His friends weren’t like that. They’d still been his friends when he was in Hillworth and they were at Azure.
“I’d probably just do some online colleges instead. Just–you know. If I don’t get in, it’s okay.” It wasn’t okay, but Julian learned to brace for the worst and tell himself it was okay so that when it happened, he wasn’t floored by the results. He accepted defeat before he let himself dream of success.
“I was, um–well, when I came in. I was going to ask if you’d gotten yours yet. And if you had, I was going to ask if you could open mine for me. I just–I don’t think I want to tell anyone if I don’t get in,” he explained, wringing his hands together as he plucked what words he could recall from his mind. “I mean, obviously, I’ll have to. But. I was hoping someone could tell me, first. It’s okay if you don’t want to. I can ask Soleiyu, um.”
Julian shrugged quickly.
Riker knew that was a chance Julian wasn’t going to get in. He was waiting to find out before deciding what he was going to do–whether or not he was going to go to college or just work at Evan’s food truck forever. Not that there was anything wrong with a food truck!
But everyone knew Riker could do more. Could do anything he put his mind to.
Everyone knew that Julian could do his best and sometimes it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t proud of it, but he was used to failure, and he accepted it gracefully.
Riker had as much thrown at him as Julian had this last year. More, really. Especially with his mother. Julian didn’t argue with him, but his expression said enough even where words failed him. Riker had been kicked out. Harassed. Hurt. He had to move into a new place, had to juggle the hole in his heart, had to share a room with Julian–had to deal with the end of the world, had to deal with his friends getting hurt, or worse, had to deal with–
So much.
He deserved to celebrate, and to be celebrated.
If Julian was behind–
Well, he was always behind. He didn’t want to be the ball and chain that kept anyone else behind. Especially because his friends were amazing.
They deserved the world.
He didn’t want them to hold themselves back because he couldn’t keep up.
“Sorry, I just mean–no matter what happens, I want you to go to DCU. I think there’s so much good you could do for the world. I’m sure you got in. They’re too smart to let someone like you slip through their fingers,” he insisted. “I want you to open your letter, I want you to be able to tell Evan and Zac that you got in, because I know you did. Where did you hide it?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:19 pm
Riker didn't interrupt. He didn't argue when Julian said there was no way he didn't get in, nor did he correct him when he said he'd be happy either way. He just listened.
When Soleiyu's name came up, something shifted very briefly in Riker's expression. Just a flicker of something that maybe even he didn't understand.
"You can ask me," he said.
His hand moved from Julian's waist to rest at the small of his back as Julian remained close to him, a gesture of protection.
"I don't want you asking someone else because you think I can't handle it. And I'm not limiting myself because of you," he added, softer now. "I'm just not rushing ahead of you, either."
If Julian didn't get in, Riker would figure it out. When Julian insisted he wanted him to go to DCU no matter what, Riker's jaw tightened, then eased again.
"You don't get to decide what I deserve more than I do," he said gently. "Same way I don't get to decide for you either."
He looked at Julian — really looked at him. At the way he braced for failure like it was the polite thing to do.
He shifted, stepping back just enough to allow the smallest space between them. Just enough to breathe.
"You want me to open yours?" he asked. "And then what? If it says no, I lie to you for a minute so you can breathe first?"
There was no cruelty in the question. He brushed his fingers up Julian's back and then down again in what he hoped was a soothing motion.
"You open mine. I open yours," he decided. It would give them even ground at least. "If you think I got in, then you can be the one to say it." It wasn't a challenge, just an invitation. "And if you didn't, then we figure it out together."
Another pause, and then a small nod like an afterthought. "It's under my stuff in the closet. Under the hoodies."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:19 pm
There had been a brief flicker of doubt, of worry, of guilt, when Riker said you don't get to decide…
Julian had tightened a little, drawn into himself, tried to stabilize in a way that made him seem small. He offered a quick, “Sorry,” because he was. Not because it was the polite thing to do, but because he didn’t want to offend Riker, or box him in, or–
Riker had enough things to deal with. Enough problems he’d had to overcome. He didn’t need Julian stressing him out, too. Even if Riker had said it gently, Julian worried about being too much, or pushing too hard, or just fundamentally misunderstanding.
He didn’t need to push or badger or assume. He probably shouldn’t have said anything so presumptuous anyway, Riker was just being so polite about it all.
His eyes darted to the ground but there were no cleverly hidden answers or solutions waiting to be found down there. He leaned into the counter, hard.
“You don’t have to lie to me if it says no. It’s okay,” he mumbled. He was better at catching himself when he was too soft, too unclear. He tugged his sleeves down over his hands, and then back to his wrists. “Mine is in my desk. I can get it.”
They could just open them up in their room. It was private, at least. Better than the kitchen. Away from hot water and scratchy sponges. So if something went wrong–
Well, at least it would be more comfortable.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:19 pm
The flicker of doubt, of worry and guilt, that had crossed Julian’s features hasn’t been missed. Riker didn’t comment, not yet at least. Instead he watched as Julian seemed to shrink in on himself, making himself smaller. He watched the way Julian tugged at his sleeves, at the way he said sorry.
Riker let out a short breath, letting Julian retreat — until it looked like he might be hurting himself, what with how hard he was leaning against the counter.
There was only a brief moment of hesitation, of not wanting to crowd or make things worse, but then Riker lifted both arms to wrap around Julian, gently pulling him away from the counter, just enough so that if Julian leaned back again it would be against Riker’s hands instead.
"...Hey," he said softly, not scolding, just letting the moment settle. "Okay. I won't lie to you." He wanted Julian to be okay, to be happy. But he knew he couldn't protect him from everything.
He didn't believe him when he said it's okay, but he didn't comment on it either.
Riker lowered his chin just enough to brush against Julian's hair for a moment before he pulled back enough to look at him.
"But you don't have to pretend it wouldn't suck," he added, voice softer now. "It would. That doesn't mean we won't figure things out."
He didn't push further than that. Julian said his letter was in his desk, so Riker nodded.
"Okay." He let his hands slide down to Julian's wrists for a moment, giving them a small squeeze before letting go.
"I'll grab mine, you grab yours," he said, pausing just long enough to make sure Julian was still steady on his feet.
"And Jules? No matter what those letters say, you're not doing any of this alone."
He said it gently, but in a way that gave no room for argument. Riker had made up his mind a long time ago about what he wanted when Julian was involved.
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