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 Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:25 pm
Takes place March 18th It had been a weird week. Friday was s**t, obviously. Saturday wasn't much better. Sunday was--
Something. Not good, but not as bad.
Julian's sleep schedule was completely off, but at least he was sleeping. His phone was dead so he missed the alarm to wake up for school on Monday, but it seemed like a good day to take it easy, anyway.
He'd been spending a lot of time in his room, but he'd come down a few times. He hadn't had much to say, and he didn't stay for long, but sometimes he just wanted to sit in the same room for a few minutes. Maxim spent most of his time following Julian around, which meant they spent most of the time in bed.
He'd gone to school on Tuesday--or, tried to. He'd insisted, so Zac dropped him off, but two hours later the nurse was calling for someone to pick him up. He hadn't even made it to home room.
The story was, for everyone, that Julian was sick. It's what Zac told Riker on Friday, when he suspected Julian wasn't going to be functioning enough for their usual night call, and it's what he'd maintained the entire time Riker was gone. He told Evan the same thing, but only because he knew he'd freak out and tell Riker, and then they'd be ditching their game and taking a flight home as soon as possible--and for what?
Julian needed some time alone. Maybe more than he got. It would have just put both he and Riker in an awkward position, and someone would have had to wind up on the couch in the living room, or camping in the garage, or the backyard--
Well, not the backyard. It had been raining since Sunday, bad enough that Riker's trip home was delayed. The roads by the mountain had flooded, and Azure would rather foot the bill for another night at a hotel than pay out life insurance for a bus full of kids.
Evan whined about it, but Zac was glad they wound up in a five star resort with room service. It gave them an extra day for things to shake out.
Tuesday had been bad for Julian, anyway. It was the first time in a long while that he'd taken his medicine. Not the Benadryl, but one of the bottles from the back of his drawer. He'd come down at about eleven, with hands shaking so badly he couldn't get the cap off. He made a beeline to Zac and hadn't even been able to ask for help, just presented the bottle. He took one pill, dry, and struggled to seal the bottle.
He sat on the couch with Zac for a while. They didn't speak, but the nature channel had a special on migrating birds, so they kept that on until Julian started to nod off. Zac helped him back to bed and wound up staying up late just in case. Julian slept through his alarm again, and he was groggy for most of the morning, so he'd stayed home and slept.
Talia stayed home while Zac left to pick up Evan and Riker. Thanks to Evan's neurotic updates, Zac arrived at Azure only five minutes before the bus dropped everyone off.
The ride home was easy. Animated. Evan was ready to get home and take a shower, and he was so tired that he didn't even mind if they got takeout. He'd given Zac frequent updates about Riker, but Zac asked them about their trip, anyway. It filled the time, and the more they talked, the less he had to.
He dropped Evan off at the house but kept Riker with him, whining about wanting company since he had to go out and grab takeout since Evan wouldn't cook.
If it hadn't been takeout, he'd have made up some other excuse to borrow Riker.
They talked for a few minutes without Evan, not about anything serious. It didn't seem fair to dump it on Riker as soon as Evan was out of the car anyway.
They were about five minutes away from the restaurant when Zac, eyes glued to the road in front of them, said, "Hey, actually. I gotta talk to you about something before we get home. I don't know what Julian's going to tell you. It's not really my place to tell you, either, but. If he's a little off, just..."
He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Don't push it. He's working through some things, and I'm not sure how long it's going to take."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:25 pm
For a second, Riker went still. It was subtle, but obvious if someone was paying attention. He didn't respond right away, but his fingers curled a little tighter around the seatbelt across his chest before he forced them to relax.
"Yeah," he said at first, aiming for casual but landing a little shy of it. "Okay, I can do that." He glanced out the window for a second, then back ahead, clenching his jaw a little tighter than he meant to.
"I know you said he was sick," he added after a moment, voice quieter now. "So I wasn't… freaking out over the messages or anything. I got that. I just—" He stopped, scowled at himself, then tried again. "I couldn't actually see him. Usually I can tell if he's just tired, or if he's stressed, or if something's off. And this time I couldn't."
He was probably being too honest for Zac, who seemed to avoid emotions like Riker often tried to with those he didn't know well. He shifted in his seat, clearly trying not to make a big deal out of everything.
"I'm not gonna push him if he doesn't want to talk. I'm not trying to make it worse. If he needs space, that's fine. I can give him space," he said with a quiet huff, like that was obvious.
"But I need to know if we're talking regular 'Julian's having a rough time and wants to hide in his room' space, or if I need to be careful like he will have a breakdown if I look at him wrong," he said quietly, glancing over at Zac then, his expression filled with worry no matter how casual he was trying to be about it.
"I trust you. I do. I know you know what you're doing. I just…" He let out a breath and shrugged as he looked away again. "He's Jules."
Which explained everything and nothing.
"So just tell me how normal I'm supposed to act," he muttered, trying not to seem as flustered as he felt. "Because if I get home and pretend everything's fine when it isn't… I don't know. That seems pretty shitty. But if I come on too strong, then that's probably worse."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:26 pm
Zac tapped his index fingers on the steering wheel, but was otherwise unresponsive for a moment. He didn’t like that the first answer that came to mind was ‘I don’t know,’ so he waited for something better.
“It’s complicated,” he said finally, just to fill the space. Or maybe just to reassure Riker that he was here, and listening.
“It’s not regular ‘Julian’s having a rough time’, but it is ‘hiding in his room’.”
There was a fine line between letting Riker know what he was walking into, and spilling all of Julian’s business. Riker was a smart boy, so he’d figure things out eventually. Zac didn’t want him blindsided.
“He’s staying with us,” Zac prefaced. “So nothing’s changing.”
He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and glowered at the red light they stopped at like that was the source of all of his problems.
His voice lowered despite all efforts to keep himself calm and neutral. “But things didn’t work out with his mom. And,” He exhaled roughly. “Well, it’s not good. He’s safe, but I don’t think he’s figured that out yet. I’m not asking you to pretend like everything’s fine–you know he picks up on bullshit, he’ll know you’re faking. So you don’t have to do anything. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:26 pm
Riker went quiet again, but this time it wasn't the restless quiet from before. It was heavier than that. He stared out the windshield for a moment, not really seeing the red light or the road or anything in front of them.
Julian was staying with them. Of course he was. Riker knew that. Or at least… he knew enough. Even if Julian was never really straightforward with what was going on in his life beyond what was normal for them. The letters, the caseworker, the way Julian always made everything sound smaller and less important than it was.
Still, hearing Zac say it like that made something in his chest ache.
"...Okay," he said quietly, but it took obvious effort to make sure the word sounded even halfway normal. He rubbed a hand over his chest, then dropped it again. "Yeah. Okay."
He didn't want Zac to think he was about to freak out or make things harder than it already was. So when he looked over, he tried to keep his face from showing too much.
"I'm not being weird about him staying with us," Riker explained, a little too quickly, then grimaced at himself. "I mean— I know he is. Staying with us. That's not… surprising. Just… the rest of it, I guess."
His jaw tightened again for a moment before he forced it to ease, and he let out a breath for good measure.
"The part where he's safe and might not feel safe," he muttered, still a little flustered. "That's…" He stopped, because there wasn't a word for it that didn't make him sound more upset than he wanted to admit. "Yeah."
He looked away again, blinking hard to remind himself to keep his emotions in check. Part of him hated that he'd been gone. Hated that Julian had gone through all of that and Riker had been having fun with Elliot and their team, talking about sports schedules and stats and trying to figure out how many of his fries ended up being stolen at dinner. But another part of him — one he didn't really like very much — wondered if maybe Zac was right to let things settle first. Maybe Julian had needed the space. Maybe if Riker had come crashing back in right away, he'd have just made it harder.
That didn't mean he had to like it.
"Thanks for telling me," he said after a moment, voice lower, but steady and without any awkward emotion. "Even if 'it's complicated' is probably my least favorite thing anyone can say before dropping something heavy on me," he huffed, trying to add a little dry humor in, but not much.
"I won't fake it," he added. "And I won't corner him. I'll just… be normal. Or as normal as I get, I guess. I just want him to know I'm here. That's all." He paused, glancing over at Zac. "And if I mess it up, you'll tell me, right? Because I'm trying really hard not to make this about me being worried when he's obviously the one having a rough time."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:26 pm
Zac snorted. “It is complicated. I’m not going to sugar coat it. I’m telling you so you can get some of that worrying out of your system. I know how you are,” he said, and side eyed him for a second before the light turned green and he focused on the road again.
“Now’s the best time to make it about you. It’s just you and me, so no one’s going to get hurt if you need to get something off your chest or out of your head. We’ll get out and walk around a little before we pick up the food. I don’t want you all wired up before we get back.”
And Zac wouldn’t mind working out a little energy, too. He had too much, and nowhere to put it.
“I guess I just need you to know it’s not your fault and you haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just a little off right now. And he’s–you know, he’s trying. Too hard. I didn’t see him all day, and then woke up to a spotless house, so he’s–”
Zac shrugged. “Doing that thing you two do, like you think I’m going to change my mind about wanting you around.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:26 pm
Riker blanched. It was quick, but obvious enough that he couldn't hide it before he looked away again. He shifted in his seat, suddenly very aware of how tight the seatbelt felt across his chest.
"We don't—..." he started, then stopped, because the automatic denial got stuck somewhere in his throat. He forced out a breath instead. "I mean… it's not—... it's not like that. Mostly."
Which, of course, meant it was at least a little bit like that."
He stared out the passenger window for a moment before finally glancing back at Zac, expression tense with embarrassment more than anything else. "It's just… there are a lot of people in the house. And you and Evan are already doing a lot. So cleaning up and staying out of the way and not making things harder seems like the least we can do."
The least he could do. The least Julian could do.
"And I know I'm eighteen now," he mumbled, quieter. "So if it's a money thing, or if it'd make things easier, I can pay rent. Or help more. Or—" He swallowed, already realizing how it sounded, but unable to stop now that it had started. "I could cover Jules too. Or try to. If that'd make it less…"
He trailed off, because less what? Less inconvenient? Less like they were taking up too much space? Less like Zac had made a mistake?
His ears were burning now.
"I know you signed the papers," he said after a moment, his voice a little smaller and rougher than he wanted. "I know. I'm not saying I don't get that." He shook his head, annoyed at himself. "I just… people change their minds. And I know that's not fair, but it's hard not to think about."
He sank back against the seat, crossing his arms like it might keep him held together better. "So… yeah. Maybe we do that. Me and Julian. The cleaning and trying to be useful and all that," he said with a humorless huff. "It's easier to feel like there's a reason not to get rid of us if we're helpful."
The second it was out of his mouth, he grimaced and shook his head.
"That sounded worse out loud," he muttered, flustered. "I know that sounded bad. I'm not saying you've done anything to make it feel like that. You haven't. It's just—..." He stopped, because nothing he could say wouldn't make it sound less stupid.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:26 pm
“Relax,” Zac said, firmly but not unkindly. “I get it. I appreciate the help. Sometimes.”
He shot Riker a look, like he could take down any ideas before they had time to form, and pulled into the parking lot. “It’s different when you’re doing it because you want to make my life easier and when you feel like you have to earn your keep. I don’t want your money. If I need cash, I can pick up another job. Or shake it out of Tobias. Or get Soleiyu to magic some up.”
He parked away from the restaurant, close to a tiny lake with two picnic tables, a bench, and a poorly paved sidewalk. He unbuckled before the car was off, and half turned to face Riker.
“If you don’t mind how cramped it is, I don’t mind, either. And if you do mind, it just means we’ve gotta figure out another expansion. If we need more space, we’ll make more space. Not get rid of anything–or anyone–we have.”
It was easy for him. Getting rid of someone felt like giving up on them, and there were a thousand things Zac would do before he gave up. On anyone. On anything.
“You’ve only had a year with us. Julian’s only had a few months more than that. I know you’re both still figuring things out, and that’s okay. Just because you’re eighteen doesn't change that. You’re still a kid,” he reminded, and because he knew Riker needed to hear it every now and then, he nudged him slightly with his elbow.
“Still my kid. And anyway, you know Evan would kill me if I told him I wanted you out, right? So even if you think I’d get tired of having you around, don’t ever think he will.”
Evan was easier to read, and more honest with his feelings. Riker didn’t have to guess where he stood with Evan, maybe ever. He could have set the whole house on fire and said ‘sorry’ and Evan would forgive him.
Riker was a good kid. Just had a lot of baggage. He was still figuring out what he needed to carry with him and what he could put down.
“Look.” Zac fished out his phone and selected Evan’s contact. He scrolled back a few days, and it took a few seconds to reach Friday. He angled the phone so Riker could see the pictures–some from Zac of Maxim, which he’d also shared with Riker, but plenty from Evan to Zac.
Pictures of himself and Riker, pictures and video of Riker playing. Some of the hotel room, some of their meals, one of a stray cat. Between all of them, updates. Zac passed the phone to Riker, with an offer to scroll at his leisure.
Well over half of them were related to Riker, either praising his skill or giving updates on the game.
“You ever wonder what he says about you when you’re not around? You think this guy would let me ‘get rid of you’?” No, but he knew what being around the wrong person for too long made it easy to doubt the good in everyone else.
“I’m not trying to force you to change your mind. It doesn’t work like that, anyway. I know you don’t want to live your life worrying about ‘the next bad thing’ that’s going to happen. You’re just doing whatever you have to do to be okay, and being prepared is better than being blindsided. Give it a few years, ‘normal’ takes time. And you’ll have time, and a place at home, for as long as you want it.”
Zac wasn’t in any rush to get his phone back, so he leaned into the seat and let Riker scroll. “You’re not here because you’re useful. You’re here because you’re you. This isn’t a temporary arrangement based on how much you have to give. But I get that you need time for that to sink in.”
He shrugged. “So if you need to clean a little extra, or do more to feel useful, I get it. I mean, I’m not going to b***h about a clean house and a nice yard. Unless,” he looked at Riker and waited until he had his attention, “It’s hurting you. Okay?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:27 pm
Riker took the phone when Zac handed it over, but at first he only stared at the screen. Then his thumb moved, slowly at first, scrolling through the pictures and videos and messages. The cat, the room, the food. Him. More of him than he expected.
The warmth that climbed up his neck and burned his ears made him want to sink through the seat. He looked at one of the videos a little too long before handing the phone back.
"I know," he said quietly. "Or… I mean I know. Sometimes my brain is stupid, I guess." He felt embarrassed, but he was being honest, too.
"Helping out around the house isn't hurting me," he added after a moment, glancing out across the lake instead of directly at Zac. "It actually feels good, most of the time. Like I did something useful. Like I gave you and Evan a break, or made things a little easier. It's just… easier when my hands have something to do. And I know Jules probably has some of the same dumb thoughts. Maybe worse. He just hides them better." Or differently. Quieter. In ways that took longer to notice.
The words "my kid" always seemed to weigh as heavily no matter how often they were said, and they echoed in his head louder than they had any right. Riker had to look away before he said anything to embarrass himself further.
When he did speak, it came out a little rougher and more awkward than he meant it to.
"I don't regret it," he said, then grimaced at himself because he knew how vague that was. "I mean… having you as, uh… my dad. Or Evan. I don't…" He stopped, visibly annoyed at how hard it was to just spit words out. "I'm glad it's you, okay?"
That was already too much, probably, but he kept going despite his voice being quieter now.
"I just want to make sure you keep feeling that way. About me," he said with a shrug, but it was thin and defensive and didn't hide much. "So yeah. Maybe I try too hard sometimes. But I don't know… I just—... I want—..."
I want you to be proud of me, was apparently too difficult for Riker to say. He ended up shrugging again and clamped his mouth shut. Because Zac had said it before, so it was probably stupid to keep making a big deal about it. He just liked knowing he was doing something right after doing so many things wrong.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:27 pm
“Go on, say it,” Zac insisted, not pushy, but not beating around the bush, either. Both of his kids had a bad habit of starting a sentence and not finishing it, like they thought there was anything they could say that would scare him away.
But it wasn’t their fault. It’s not like they knew everything about him. Maybe Riker wouldn’t be glad to have Zac for a dad if he knew.
He was a hypocrite, but he was an old dog. The kids could still learn new tricks. Or break bad habits, hopefully.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:27 pm
Riker made a face like Zac had just asked him to walk barefoot over broken glass.
His ears burned hotter, and for a second he looked anywhere but at him — out the window, down at his hands, at the stupid dashboard. Anywhere. Then he let out a rough breath like he needed to psyche himself up.
"I want you to be proud of me," he muttered finally, too fast and too quiet. Maybe if he said it quickly enough it would hurt less. "Not because you have to be. I just… want to be someone worth keeping around, I guess."
He grimaced immediately after and then hid his now burning face behind his hands.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:27 pm
“Oh. Well, that’s easy.”
Zac scrolled through his phone again, like he knew exactly what he was looking for, and took a screenshot. A moment later, Riker had a new text message–another conversation with Evan and Zac, half cut off but with enough visible:
Evan: he did???
Zac: Yeah, first try. Did a good job, I’m really impressed
Zac: I’ll show you when you get home
Zac: He’s being shy about it so don’t start crying
Evan: i wasn’t going to but i’m obviously going to be proud of him
Zac: Well you should be, I’m proud of him
Evan: well make sure you tell him that
Zac could have found dozens of conversations like that, and it wouldn’t have taken him long to dig out a few more.
He elbowed Riker gently in the side. “I am proud of you.” Maybe not good at showing it, but he was trying, too. This whole ‘raising kids’--was he even raising them? They practically raised themselves. They were both more adult than child when he met them, but–
Well, they still had a lot to learn. Or unlearn.
“Every day." Well, mostly every day. Riker was still a teenager, and sometimes a little annoying, mostly on purpose. He liked pushing Zac’s buttons, and Zac liked pushing his.
He couldn’t think of a time Riker disappointed him, though. Couldn’t imagine one, either.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:28 pm
Riker glanced down at the text, then immediately looked away again like it was somehow too much to look at directly. His ears were burning so badly they probably matched the red in his bangs.
"...Okay," he muttered, voice rough with embarrassment more than anything. "Yeah. Okay."
He rubbed a hand over his face, then dropped it, trying not to squirm too obviously under the weight of being cared about so directly.
"Thanks," he added after a moment, voice quieter. "For—... all of it."
And because he didn't want to end up saying anything more that would just cause further embarrassment, he latched onto the thing that mattered most.
"So what do we do for Jules?" he asked, looking back at Zac now that his ears had faded a little in color. "If things really didn't work out with his mom, then… what does he need? Because we're his family too, right? That has to count for something."
He shrugged, but there was nothing careless in the gesture.
"I just want to make sure he has whatever he needs. Or doesn't need," he corrected himself. "If he wants space, fine. If he wants us around, also fine. I just—... I don't want him feeling like he's on his own with it."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:28 pm
Once more, Zac shrugged. He exhaled loud, heavy. “I wish I knew, kid. I’ve been trying to figure it out all week. Come on.” He patted Riker’s arm once and then pulled the keys out of the car at the same time he pulled open his door. He made it to the other side of the car and pulled open Riker’s door, too.
“I gotta walk some of this off, I’m wearing a hole in the floor at home.”
Riker looked like he could work off some energy, too. Or, he looked like he’d at least appreciate an excuse for how red his face was.
He was glad for a cloudy day, and glad for a break in the rain. The clouds didn’t look particularly trustworthy, but the sidewalk around the lake wouldn’t have taken more than two minutes to circle. And if they got wet–who cared, it was just water. His car had seen worse.
“He’s been out of it. I mean, bad. And I don’t blame him, the whole thing’s ******** up.” The words felt like acid on his tongue. He wasn’t trying to tease Riker with half a story, but he didn’t want to lie to him, either. Julian hadn’t asked for privacy, but it seemed like he didn’t expect to be afforded it, anyway.
Zac scratched his chin and leaned against the car, ignoring the dampness on his sleeve. “I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say. And if I told you the whole thing, you’d just get pissed, too. It’s not his fault. His mom’s just…”
His jaw ached suddenly, so he rubbed his cheek. He hadn’t realized he’d been back to grinding his teeth.
“She’s not going to be in the picture. Ever. And that’s her choice. She filed something with the court, so. Don’t bring that stuff up with him. Talia and I, we’re…I don’t know. Probably not going to do anything. She’s furious, she’s gonna go back to school to get some–I don’t know, a law degree, maybe.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and shrugged.
“I don’t know, Riker. I’m trying to figure it all out, too. There’s a lot of s**t going on. I don’t really know what to do except wait it out and see if–”
Something broke.
He bit down on his cheek, hard, and shoved down the bubbling, simmering fury he’d been trying to snuff out for days.
Zac was supposed to be the adult here. He needed to have everything under control. He needed to not make this harder for Riker. So he finished, much tamer, “–we can take it day by day. Kinda just playing everything by ear right now. I think…”
Another shrug, but it didn’t shake off the agitation dancing over his skin. Too much energy, too many emotions. He shifted in place and wiped his hands on his pants.
“...He knows we’re his family. But I think he’s just realized he didn’t actually have one before us.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:28 pm
Riker got out when Zac opened the door, grateful for something to do other than try to keep the restless energy festering inside him. The damp air was cool enough to help, but not enough to make any of this feel less awful.
He fell into step beside Zac without saying anything at first. His hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders tight, eyes fixed on the lake. The part about Julian's mom not being in the picture anymore felt heavy. Heavier with the way Zac said it. The way he stopped himself. The way even he seemed like he was barely holding it together.
That scared Riker more than he wanted to admit.
"Okay," he said after a long moment. "I won't bring her up. Not unless he does first." And even then, he wasn't sure if that would ever happen. "And… yeah. I get it." He glanced over at Zac for just a moment before looking away again. "Why Talia's mad. Why you're mad."
That was probably obvious, but it felt like it needed to be said anyway. Riker kicked lightly at a crack in the pavement, then sighed. "You don't have to tell me more if it's not yours to tell," he said softly, and he meant it. Even if every part of him wanted to drag the whole truth out into the open and figure out how to fix it.
"But if we're doing this day by day, then… Then I can do that. If he needs normal, I can do normal. If he needs quiet, I can do quiet. If he wants me to just sit there and not say much, I can do that too. I just don't want him thinking this changes anything. Like… how important he is to us. To me." He shrugged, but this wasn't a careless gesture either.
"And if he's realizing that now…" Riker's chest ached at the thought, but he kept his voice steady. "Then I guess we keep showing him until he believes it. Worked for me."
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 7:28 pm
For a moment, Zac kept his thoughts to himself and simply walked in step with Riker. And then, as if begrudgingly, he swung his arm over his shoulder and gave him a quick half-hug before dropping his hand back to his side.
“You’re a good kid. I’m not gonna get sappy. But I don’t think any of this is going to be easy for you, so I just want you to hear that now. And don’t get it in your head that–”
He exhaled gruffly.
“When I was your age–”
Oh, where the ******** did he even want to start.
“No, when I was younger than you. You know–Evan wasn’t always…”
That didn’t feel right either.
He hooked his thumbs into his belt loops and drummed his fingers on his hips. “Ev was a good kid. I mean, we weren’t close back in elementary school, middle school, but looking back–he was one of those cute little kids who just thought everybody was his friend. Trusted everyone. Didn’t have a care in the world. Not any ******** self preservation. He was shy, didn’t roughhouse or want to play sports like the rest of us. Gullible as hell.”
He kicked a rock, hard. It splashed so loudly in the pond that a squirrel bolted in front of them.
“One day he was just–you know, Evan. And then he was out of school for a month and a half. There were rumors and all. I don’t know if he told you the story. I probably shouldn’t. Don’t bug him about that, either. There’s a point to this, I’m getting there.”
Slowly. Poorly.
“When he came back, he was different. Clingy. At the time, I thought he was so ******** annoying. We used to make fun of him.” Zac wasn’t proud of it, and no amount of anger could overshadow the guilt in his voice.
“I didn’t find out until years later. I mean, the whole situation was ******** up. As a kid, you don’t notice those things. You don’t look for them. His parents used to drop him off at school. And then suddenly he was taking the bus. His mom used to chaperone for field trips. Parents used to go to PTA meetings, all that bullshit. And they stopped. All of it. Evan used to invite everyone to his birthday parties at the end of the school year, he had it all planned out because–you know, July. I don’t know if people ever actually went, I never did. But he didn’t that year, or any year after, and–”
Zac hardly knew where he was going with this. There was a point, but there was a shorter way to get there, and he should have just kept it simple. The last thing he wanted was to give Riker more to deal with, but–
“When we came back to school, he was worse than ever. So clingy. And desperate. The bitchiness came later, but. I wish I’d been smarter back then. The point is–Evan’s parents are s**t. He got hurt, and they didn’t know what to do about it, and they blamed him. And they pulled out of his life, because–I don’t know, it was too much for them, or something. I don’t know. But there was a ‘before’ Evan, and there was an ‘after’ Evan, and I know it broke his heart, what they did. And I don’t want to do that. I mean, I’m not going to do that, not to you and Julian. But I just keep thinking about–”
How their parents let them down. How they failed.
How all these good kids had such s**t parents, and he was a s**t kid with great parents, and–
What he wouldn’t have given to ask someone, anyone, what to do, because he didn’t know, and he didn’t want to ******** this up.
He wanted to snap the entire row of saplings the city had planted lined, between the sidewalk and the road. He wanted to tear the bark off the old oaks until his nails bled. He wanted to grab the bench and see if he could tear it out of the ground before he tore his arms out of socket.
His hands curled into fists. He could feel the vein in his forehead again. Breathing deeply didn’t do anything but make his blood pump faster.
“I keep thinking about how I don’t want to see that happen to him. I don’t want a ‘before’ Julian and an ‘after’ Julian. I don’t want this to change him. And I know that’s selfish. But–”
Zac cut himself off again. “I’m beating around the bush. I must sound like a ******** lunatic right now. Ignore me. What I’m trying to say is that Julian’s going to get whatever he needs. I don’t know what that is right now, and neither does he. And I don’t expect you to know, or figure it out–but if you do, tell me, because the only thing I know right now is that if I were in his position, I’d have set some fires or blown something up. I would not be able to swallow this, and I’m just worried that he’s going to get hurt–more hurt–or learn the wrong lesson.”
Which was–what, don’t trust anyone? Give up? Stop caring? Expect disappointment?
And Zac wanted to say more, wanted to explain, but where the hell was the line? What could he share for Julian’s own good, and what was too much, and how did he avoid doing the same ******** thing everyone else did and make what he wanted more important than what Julian wanted?
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