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 Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:05 am
this is just a short one-shot I created when I was bored, I just want to see if I can create good fanfics so please tell me what you think.critisism is accepted. 3nodding
title:Broken Promise
rating:K+
genre:Angst and a bit horror
this story is Kakashi's point of view
there is no pairing here.sorry.here is the fanfic.hope you'll enjoy it!
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As I was wandering through the woods, I have reached an unknown place, but I have a feeling I that I have been here before.
The strange feeling subsided when I saw the beatiful scenery it has,
the crystal clear water that flows freely down the shallow river, tall and green trees was surrounding the area, there were also newly grown grass that reached below my hips. It seemed like paradise, but on second thought maybe not. The waters started to turn into fresh blood that formed
a small stream. The fields was now covered with piles of corpses, and there were sounds of explosions, but there stood my best friend, Obito, who was smiling at me.
"We are at war but still he has a huge grin on his face."
Then his smile started to fade, and his body too. Only to be replaced by a boy who's body was half crushed and was covered of blood. It was a very horrible sight to see. He started to crawl towards me; I wanted to get away from him but my body was frozen. When he was near me, he grabbed my feet, and climbed his way up until his face was just an inch away from mine. His features and breath makes me want to vomit, but I was too frightened to do so.
"Why did you? How could you?"
"Why did you broke your promise?WHY?!?"
"Obito, I..."
"WHY?!?Why did you let her die?!?"and so he began to weep.
"Obito...."
He strangled my neck and shouted repeatedly"WHY?!?"
As every minute passed, his grip tightens.
I couldn't breathe"Obito...I..."
Then, I was awaken.
"Obito, I'm sorry."
That night, I cried.
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see,its short. biggrin lol
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 10:26 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 1:19 am
I'm just eleven so dont expect me to write a very looooooooooooooong fanfic besides I'm not smart and all and I hate our language subject!! lol
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Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 2:57 pm
It's good enough of a beginning. You've got to start somewhere. Keep on writing small pieces like this one and you might find yourself writing a long story someday 3nodding
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Vicious-Loner Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:29 pm
its a really good begining. it would make a great short story.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:30 am
well thanks for the criticism..also I really apreciate that a few like it biggrin whee surprised
now..im bored... neutral neutral
bored....still bored..
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:26 pm
smelyondra its a really good begining. it would make a great short story.
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:44 am
jmkg_kakashi well thanks for the criticism..also I really apreciate that a few like it biggrin whee surprised now..im bored... neutral neutral bored....still bored.. wow......that was awesome......
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Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:02 pm
That would make a good beginning. surprised Some day, you could make a a one-shot or other little short pieces. Then you can connect them all. xD (dont mind meh. <3 )
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 4:16 pm
Wow, that was pretty good, but the whole "why? why why? why why why? why die why???" (sorry, had to mess it up a bit to make my point.)
Thing bugged me, other than that it was a good beggining, keep up the good work, and a bit of advice:ease up on the "why?" thing and it'll be all good, btu u dont have to take my advice.
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Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:12 am
i thought it was kinda of sad i realy liked hope u come up with others like it
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Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:07 pm
channeling your inner emo i see... stare (loved it! whee )
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