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How to Respect a Transsexual Person By Carl, find him here if you wish (This was posted by someone on the Transe-Generation forum, I thought it was worth sharing.)

This page is about transsexual people, i.e. people born with a brain that is normal for one gender, and chromosomes and an external body that seemed normal for the opposite sex. The term gender, when used below, always means the gender the person identifies as.

Basic Stuff

Accept me as a full-fledged member of the gender I identify as.

Always use the language that corresponds to my gender identity, e.g. he, she, even if my body does not seem to match yet and even when talking about my past.

If you are still adjusting, it's normal to make mistakes. Don't draw attention to it by saying "sorry". Just correct yourself right after and carry on.

If I identify as male, never use female-marked words like girl, waitress, breasts, v****a, etc. to describe anything about me, and vice versa. Always use language that corresponds to my gender. For example, if I am a female-to-male transsexual person, I am always a guy and never a girl.

Don't call me "female-bodied", unless I use that term myself.

A transsexual girl is male-to-female. A transsexual guy is female-to-male. Never the other way around.

Gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Whether I am attracted to men, women, both or neither is a totally separate thing from whether I am male or female. For example, if I am a trans girl who likes girls, treat me no differently than any other lesbian woman.

Don't expect me to conform to the stereotypes of my gender. I'll wear whatever clothes I like and have whatever interests I have. Being masculine or feminine (i.e. having mannerisms or interests that are seen by society as stereotypical of one gender) has nothing to do with being male or female (i.e. identifying as a certain gender). Butch trans women and feminine trans guys exist, just like they do among non-transsexual people.

For almost all trans people, being transsexual is not a choice or a decision. It is a simple reality. The only "decision" is whether to accept my situation and fix it to live a healthier life, or deny it and suffer.

Never mention my old name or ever ask what it was. Instead of saying "back when you were Fred", say "before you came out as female".

Don't use my name in the 3rd person as if I was a person separate from myself, e.g. "are you dressing as Lisa now?"

I am a person, a guy or a girl, a man or a woman, foremost. If you must use the word transsexual (or trans), it's better to use it as an adjective to describe a person, not as a noun onto itself, e.g. trans people, trans folks, trans guy.
When it comes down to it, the matter is very simple: I am a guy or a girl. That's all!

Transition

Use the word "transition" to describe what I am going through or went though.

The changes I make to my body are not purely cosmetic, but rather reconstructive. Having a body I am comfortable with is vital to my health and in my social and physical interactions with other people.

Don't openly talk about my genitals any more than you would for a non-trans person, unless I bring up the topic myself.

Don't immediately assume that genital sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) is my priority. Every transsexual person is unique and chooses different steps during their transition, based on many factors. Not everyone wants SRS.

Social Situations

Being transsexual is a very personal matter. Treat it with respect.

I'm not here to shock anyone or get attention. I am not selfish. I'm just a person like anyone else, and I have a right to be healthy and live in my honest gender.

If I blend well (i.e. I pass) or if I am online, then don't tell anyone I am transsexual unless they are too. Just talk about me like any other normal guy or girl, according to my gender identity.

If I am visibly gender variant (i.e. I don't pass) and am out as transsexual, it's OK to educate your friends, e.g. about pronouns, before meeting me in person.

Don't introduce me as your "transsexual" friend. Don't ask me to explain my life story or my gender situation to people I just met.

Ask permission before taking a photo of me or before displaying old, pre-transition pictures of me.
Don't call me whenever a documentary about transsexuals is on TV just because I am transsexual. I already know what being transsexual is about! But do it if I am genuinely interested in the subject.

The Nature of Gender

Gender comes from the way our brain, mind and/or soul is configured, not from the body. Chromosomes, hormones, upbringing, etc. do not determine or change a person's gender.

The only person who can know about their gender is themself. No external "clues" can prove or disprove somebody's true inner gender. Some people knew it their entire lives. Some manage to deny it for a long time. Some always knew there was something different. Some did a lot of soul searching to figure out they were male or female and that this was a legitimate medical situation.

Don't call a non-transsexual woman a "real girl" or "completely female".

Terminology

This page only deals with transsexual people specifically.
Do not confuse transsexuality with cross-dressing. Cross-dressers are men who like to wear women's clothing for sexual or fetishized reasons. These men do not identify as female and are often straight.

Do not confuse transsexual people with drag queens or kings. Drag performers will wear elaborate and often stereotypical clothes of the opposite gender on stage for show or to do impersonations. This is most often done by gays and lesbians.

The term "transgendered" is an umbrella term that includes any and all gender variant people: transsexual people, cross-dressers, drag kings and queens, intersex, genderqueer and bigendered people, and many other types. Be careful when using it. For example, many transsexual people don't like to be associated with cross-dressers.

The short form "trans" can mean either transsexual or transgendered. On this page, we use it to mean transsexual.
The term "tranny" is slang for transsexual, either as an adjective or noun. Many feel that it is offensive, on par with words like f**, dyke and ******. As such, many feel that only trans people themselves can reclaim it and use it. In some cities, however, it only means cross-dresser and not transsexual. Use it with much caution, if at all.

The term "she-male" is vulgar and never appropriate. It is used by the pornography industry to objectify and fetishize pre-operative transsexual women.

Don't call it cross-dressing if I am wearing clothes that match my gender. Cross-dressing is if I wear clothes of the opposite gender, e.g. a female-to-male transsexual man wearing women's clothing.

If I am a transsexual guy getting top surgery, then I am not "getting my breasts removed", I am getting a chest reconstruction.

If I Just Came Out

If I have just come out as my new gender, you should use my new name and pronouns with me and with all (and only those) who know about me, even (and especially!) with people who are still struggling to adjust to my correct gender. Be casual about it. Don't make a big deal about it.

If I haven't told everyone yet that I am trans, then don't tell anyone.









Darky Disclaimer:
I do not agree with this bit:

As not all cross-dressers are men with fetishes, that's a big stereotype.

for me I do understand what this person is talking about, but for me personally I know that there are times, and situations where "I can't be Kyle." People in general don't just accept that I am a guy. If they are somebody that I don't know, won't see again I might go by male pronouns, but if they don't catch on I don't mind. Oh and I totally agree with the "shemale" thing. There's this one woman who self identifies as shemale...pisses me off.

Actually that clarified things a bit for me. Thanks Darky.

In common psych and for other linguistic purposes, Darky, the fellow is actually spot on. That's what Transvestiteism is seen as. A male fetish.

Of course from a more pragmatic stand point a guy can dress up as a chick and not get off on it, duh, but I think from the perspective of giving a definition this person is correct.

We could make it an umbrella type of deff, or one of those terms that encompasses a lot of things, but mostly I think that the term cross-dresser, which is often put together with transvestite is linguistically tied up with the idea of festish.

What I'm trying to portray is the way in which the word is used in our language, and that is mainly whithin the context of Transvestitism. For the most part what I'm trying to express is my understanding of why this person would say that. Some times synonims are hard, and the crux of the matter is that cross dresser is often used in conjunction with Transvestite.

While cross-dressing is a component of Transvestiteism (god save me, the spelling!) I believe that the confusion is understandable.

If one calls themselves a "cross dresser" in public it is likely that they are discussing a personal choice close to the idea of being a transvestite. I'm saying that the definition for all intents and purposes may be apt, not that they are in fact correct.

Ah, man, this thread is AWESOME. I am always telling people stuff like this ("Your friend is a girl if she's m to f, I promise. >__<") and sometimes people refuse to refer to their friends or me as our genders. I cannot really associate with people who don't at least think of me as my gender, so I generally don't hang with people if they refuse to think of me as male just because I haven't gotten T just yet (even though I will be in mere months).

Thank you for this! I might just put it in a word document and print it out. <<;;; I know a couple of people who need to read it already.

even if like others have posted, its still a good thing for people to see

I am sooo printing this off

thanks

I love that. heart Unfortunately, being stuck in a dinky, closed-minded hick town as I am, it never did me much good aside from giving me a warm fuzzy feeling. No one really listened to it. =[